Freedom

2007-01-08 - 1:02 p.m.

Well, Brin is just chomping at the bit to talk about what happened on Friday. But she waited for me to talk about it first, because I asked her to. Thank you, my friend.

So.

I headed back down to the courthouse. And once I got there, I discovered that there was a parking fee...and I had no cash. There was an ATM nearby, so I could get some cash when I was done. Fine.

Now, I hadn't been to a federal courthouse since well before 9/11. I almost had to strip before I could go through the metal detector. I had to take everything out of my pockets, take my belt off, hike my pants up to show I had nothing tucked into my socks...everything. Also, you cannot take a cell phone that has a camera. I didn't know any of this. If I had, I would have just left everything in the car.

So I get through and head up to Family Court, up on the fifth floor. I get there, and find out I need to go to the Family Court CLERK office, which is on the SEVENTH floor.

So I head up to 7. I check in with the lobby clerk and explain what I need to do...and he informs me that I need two more copies of the paperwork and two SASEs. I say I don't I have those, and he says it's okay - they will provide them for a small fee. Lovely. They are really milking this.

So I get in line and get to the clerk. When I mention that I didn't know about needing the extra stuff, she says, "Sorry, man." Wonderful professionalism.

About ten minutes and $3 later, she says, "Well, I don't know if congratulations are in order or not, but you are now officially divorced."

I went back down, got the cash, and headed home.

And that was the end of my marriage.

===

Some have asked me how I feel about it. Well, it's a combination of good and bad. I'm sorry that it came to this; I really am sorry that it all broke down. But I'm glad it's now all over.

Some have also asked what happened. Well, I'm not talking about it...or at least not very much. Part of it was her fault, part of it was MY fault. There are a couple family members and a couple friends who know. But I made a conscious decision not to bad-mouth her. If she wants to bad-mouth me to her friends and co-workers, that's fine. That's her perogative. But I'm not going to do it.

===

But this won't be the end of the story.

See, as I mentioned previously, she told me that she would file the finalization paperwork "the day that the six months was over" (in California, the "summary dissolution" option says that you have six months before it becomes final, and either party can call it off by filing a form saying there has been a reconciliation). Well, that six months was up a month ago. Since she didn't file the finalization papers, I did. The court will mail her the copy of the finalization decree (hence the extra copies and the SASEs). I'm certain I will hear from her when she gets her copy.

I have a hunch what the tone will be.

===

Saturday and Sunday I relaxed as much as I could. The downside is, TV Land has been running a M*A*S*H marathon in the early hours, and that's one of those shows I just can't turn off. So I stayed up late and got up early anyway.

This morning - Monday - I slept until noon. Then I sat down to write this.

And since I slept in, I need to get ready for work, and the day.

So I will end this for now with another line from "The Prisoner":

"I am not a number! I am a free man!"

===

Be seeing you.

artgnome - 2007-01-08 16:51:34 - http://artgnome.diaryland.com
divorce was very traumatic for me. I'm a lot more careful now about who I get involved with. I hope to never have to go through it again. I hope the same for you too.

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Bob - 2007-01-08 18:29:13 - http://shadowgm.diaryland.com
Dave, you went the extra mile and then some to try and make things work. You are not allowed to spin this, 'some of it is my fault' nonsense, because it simply isn't true. 'I'll try to be nicer if you try harder to ,' is a fallacy, because it presumes you were doing something wrong, or not good enough, and makes the other person's behavior contingent upon YOU carrying the burden. (As opposed to 'I'll be nicer' and leave the benefits to manifest on their own.) Sorry if that's a big truckload of pop psych parked in your driveway, but it is definitely not your fault.

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Brin - 2007-01-08 20:41:19 -
I don't remember who said it, but there's a saying that goes 'If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you'll have is a distressed damsel.' You did your best. This part of your life's journey is over and you'll do better if there's a next time. :-)

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