Cow Cow Boogie

2007-01-18 - 12:56 p.m.

I made it to the PO and picked up my package: three early Bill Cosby albums that have been released on CD.

One of his routines says something I've been saying for years. Talk about GMTA.

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Not much else is going on, so a few news tidbits.

In the Whatta Dumbshit Dept:

Michael Vick of the Atlanta Falcons was caught with a substance that appeared to be marijuana. He was trying to smuggle it through airport security in a water bottle.

This is yet another reason why I'm glad I don't smoke or drink or do drugs. That need for another "fix" of whatever you're jonesing for, be it legal or not, will sometimes make you do stupid things just to get what you crave.

What tipped off airport security was the fact that he was reluctant to hand over his bottle of Aquafina.

Well, I guess it was a point of pride for him to be able to hold his water.

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Caution: This site WILL put you into a diabetic coma. You have been warned.

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The following is for Charlie and Ai Vy, my roommates. Don't worry, they'll understand.

From Neil Boortz' site:

A Midwestern Perspective on Politics and Economics
DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send audio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

For some reason, the Iraqi one makes me laugh the hardest.

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Enough silliness. Today's my day off, which means some laundry and some lying around on my butt. I have movies to watch, folks.

Be seeing you.

artgnome - 2007-01-18 16:09:06 - http://artgnome.diaryland.com
OMGosh that made my day! sooo funny. Because it's sooo TRUE. Thanks!

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Brin - 2007-01-18 16:30:40 -
Blechhhh! If Michael Vick was drinking bongwater, I'd say that was plenty of punishment in and of itself.

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